The Final Fantasy VIII Twelve Days of Christmas
by Crimson1
Summary: What can I say, I'm in the holiday spirit! My first humor fic, so please be kind. Selphie tries to get Squall into a jolly mood by having the gang sing her version of The Twelve Days of Christmas What do you think's gonna happen? R&R!


***The Final Fantasy VIII Twelve Days of Christmas***  
  
  
As we join are lovable Final Fantasy VIII characters, they have all gathered in the ballroom of Balamb Garden, in the hopes of giving Squall some actual Christmas spirit.   
  
Selphie- Welcome everyone! This is Selphie Tilmitt, and I've just come up with the perfect way to get Squall into a jolly Christmas mood!  
  
Squall- ......whatever.  
  
Seifer- Can we go now?  
  
Selphie- NO! We can't leave till we put a holiday smile on Squall's face!  
  
Zell- You crazy?! This could take all year!  
  
Selphie- No it won't, I've got just the thing. *pulls out stack of note cards from her back pocket*  
  
Irvine- What are those, Sefie?  
  
Selphie- I wrote a 12 Days of Christmas song, and I've got a verse for everyone!  
  
*everyone looks from one person to the other, contemplating routes of escape*  
  
Rinoa- Ehhh.....Selphie.....  
  
Selphie- *ignoring protests as she passes out the cards* Now, everyone take your card, and sing your part when it comes.  
  
Squall- *staring at the card in his hand marked #1* I don't sing.  
  
Quistis- Come on, Squall, it won't be so bad. *whispering* ...and it'll keep us from having to eat that fruit cake she made for later.  
  
Squall- *convinced* Maestro?  
  
*Selphie whips out a huge boom box from behind her back*  
  
Irvine- Where could you possibly have been hiding that?  
  
Selphie- Dimensional pockets. Duh. *hits play* Take it away Squall!  
  
Squall- *unenthusiastically* /On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, an actual personality/ *realizing what he's just sang off of the card* Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!  
  
Selphie- Next!  
  
Rinoa- *with a lovely soprano voice* /On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two angel wings/  
  
Squall- I am not participating.  
  
Selphie- Come on Squall, it'll be fun.  
  
Squall- *darkly* /And an actual personality/  
  
Selphie- Keep it going guys!  
  
Zell- /On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three cafeteria hot-dogs/  
  
Seifer- Hah! I ate the last one!  
  
Zell- What!?  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Zell- I had that one on reserve! Die Almasy! *charges at Seifer, Seifer whips out Hyperion*  
  
Squall- /And an actual personality/  
  
*As Seifer and Zell fight, Selphie stops the tape, walks over to them, and grabs them each by the ear in mid strike*  
  
Selphie- NO FIGHTING! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MERRY!  
  
Zell- ow ow ow! I'll be good, I'll be good!  
  
Selphie- Seifer?!  
  
Seifer- Damn you messenger girl! Let go of my ear!  
  
Selphie- *tightening her grip and getting right in Seifer's face* WANT TO SAY THAT AGAIN?!  
  
Seifer- No, Miss Selphie, I'll behave.  
  
*Selphie lets them go, and frolics back to her boom box*  
  
Selphie- *VERY sweetly* Thank you, boys. Let's keep going, shall we?  
  
*turns on boom box*  
  
Selphie- Next!  
  
Quistis- /On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four Trepie members/ Wait, there aren't really any Trepie members around here are there?  
  
*the sudden sound of stampeding feet echo down the hallway*  
  
Trepie Groupie #1- *from just outside* I think I saw her go into the ballroom!  
  
Quistis- Bar the doors!  
  
Zell- /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/ *glares at Seifer*  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Squall- /And an actual personality/  
  
Irvine- *pushing a table against the last door* That should hold 'em.  
  
Trepies outside- We love you, Instructor Trepe!  
  
Quistis- I hate my life.  
  
Seifer- If I had a fanclub, I'd be grateful.  
  
Quistis- Want them?  
  
Seifer- Uhhh....  
  
Selphie- Let's just keep going.  
  
Squall- This is stupid.  
  
Selphie- DON'T PUSH ME! *suddenly sweet again* ok?  
  
Squall- Next!  
  
*everyone stands around quietly, looking at each other to see who's next*  
  
Selphie- NEXT!  
  
Irvine- uhh...Selphie....? *hands her notecard*  
  
Selphie- *reading notecard marked: Selphie, #5* Oh yeah, I forgot. *hits play and clears throat. extremely off pitch* /On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND!!!/  
  
Rinoa- Oh, you found people for your band?  
  
Selphie- Sure! Me......and you four! *pointing to Squall, Rinoa, Quistis, and Zell*  
  
Zell- What?! What about Irvine?  
  
Irvine- I'm the manager! /On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, six naughty magazines/  
  
Selphie- /FIVE......./ .......wait a minute. What did you say Irvine?  
  
Quistis- /Four Trepie members/  
  
Trepies from outside- I think she's talking about us!  
  
Quistis- Oh, God....  
  
Zell- /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Squall- *overly annoyed* /And an actual personality/  
  
Selphie- Ok, let's pick up the pace, Squall's still not jolly!  
  
Seifer- *in a surprisingly beautiful baritone voice* /On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven romantic dreams/  
  
Irvine- /Six naughty magazines/  
  
Selphie- Irvine, that is not what your card says!  
  
Irvine- Sure it does.  
  
Selphie- Let me see that!   
  
*Irvine takes his card and drops it down his pants*  
  
Irvine- Only if you come and get it!  
  
Selphie- DON'T TEMPT ME, COWBOY! *turns back to the others* /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/  
  
Quistis- /Four Trepie members/  
  
Zell- /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Squall- Do we have to keep.....  
  
*Selphie glares at him murderously*  
  
Squall- /And an actual personality/  
  
Selphie- Keep it going, everybody!  
  
Raijin- /On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...../  
  
Fuujin- /EIGHT!/  
  
Raijin- /.....names on "the list"/ That was lovely Fuujin.  
  
Seifer- /Seven romantic dreams/ *whispering to his "posse"* ...add Selphie to "the list"  
  
Irvine- /Six naughty magazines/  
  
Selphie- /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/ I'm warning you, Irvine!  
  
Quistis- /Four Trepie members/  
  
Zell- /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Squall- /And an actual personality/ We're almost done with this right?  
  
Selphie- Not till you smile! Go for it, Sir Laguna!  
  
Laguna- /On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine red-haired moombas/  
  
Ellone- I didn't know you sang, Uncle Laguna.  
  
Ward- .........  
  
Kiros- Ward says you suck.  
  
Selphie- DON'T BAD MOUTH SIR LAGUNA!  
  
Fuujin- /EIGHT!/  
  
Raijin- /...names on "the list"/  
  
Seifer- /Seven romantic dreams/  
  
Irvine- /Six naughty magazines/  
  
Selphie- One more time, and I'm cutting off your pony-tail! /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/  
  
Quistis- /Four Trepie members/  
  
Zell- /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Squall- /And an actual personality/  
  
Selphie- Won't you even smile a little, Squall?  
  
Squall- I don't do jolly.  
  
Selphie- Then I guess we keep going!  
  
Cid- /On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten new SeeD missions/  
  
Laguna- /Nine red-haired moombas/  
  
Fuujin- /EIGHT!/  
  
Raijin- /...names on "the list"/  
  
Seifer- /Seven romantic dreams/  
  
Irvine- /Six.......naughtymagazines/  
  
Selphie- Someone get me a scissors! /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/  
  
Quistis- /Four Trepie members/  
  
Zell- /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Squall- I don't do jolly.  
  
Selphie- *menacingly* There's more then one thing I can do with a scissors!  
  
Squall- /And an actual personality/  
  
Edea- Selphie, honey, maybe you're going about this the wrong way.  
  
Selphie- *Holding scissors with a crazed gleam in her eye* SING!  
  
Edea- /On the eleventh day of Christmas my true gave to me, eleven evil sorceresses/  
  
Rinoa- But Edea's not evil anymore.  
  
Selphie- I couldn't think of anything else!  
  
Cid- /Ten new SeeD missions/  
  
Laguna- /Nine red-haired moombas/  
  
Fuujin- /EIGHT!/  
  
Raijin- /...names on "the list"/  
  
Seifer- /Seven romantic dreams/  
  
Irvine- /Six black cowboy hats/  
  
Zell- Cowboy hats?  
  
Irvine- Do you know how long it took me to grow out this hair!  
  
Selphie- Good, Irvy. /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND/  
  
Quistis- /Four Trepie members/  
  
Zell- /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Squall- *yes, even more glum then usual* /And an actual personality/  
  
Selphie- Come on, Squall, this is the last round. You have to smile!  
  
Squall- Make me.  
  
Selphie- *with an evil glare* You don't learn, do you? *sweetly then, yet in a frightening way* You asked for it! NEXT!  
  
Ultimecia- /One the last day of Kristmas my true love gave to me/ TWELVE SEKONDS TO LIVE, YOU KURSED SEEDS!  
  
Irvine- SELPHIE!!  
  
*a battle ensues with Ultimecia. In the end, she jumps out the window after Selphie tries to decorate her like a Christmas tree*  
  
Selphie- No one has any Christmas spirit! Come on, everybody! Finish the song!  
  
Edea- /Eleven evil sorceresses/  
  
Cid- /Ten new SeeD missions/  
  
Laguna- /Nine red-haired moombas/  
  
Fuujin- /EIGHT!/  
  
Raijin- /...names on "the list"/  
  
Seifer- /Seven romantic dreams/  
  
Irvine- *proudly holding Selphie's scissors* /Six naughty magazines!/  
  
Selphie- Oh, Irvy, maybe I should tell you what I /was/ going to give you for Christmas.  
  
*Selphie whispers something into Irvine's ear, and a goofy smile appears on his face*  
  
Selphie- Remember, Irvy, that's what you /were/ getting. /FIVE MEMBERS FOR MY BAND!/  
  
Irvine- Can't we talk about this, Sefie?  
  
Quistis- /Four Trepie members/  
  
Zell- /Three cafeteria hot-dogs/  
  
Rinoa- /Two angel wings/  
  
Squall- *here's the miracle everyone, he's got a huge smile* /AND AN ACTUAL PERSONALITY!/  
  
Selphie- YAY! It worked! You're smiling! I knew the song would give you some Christmas spirit!  
  
Squall- It sure did, Selphie. And you know what? I figured out exactly what I'm going to give you for Christmas.  
  
*Selphie doesn't seem to notice that Squall has his hands behind his back*  
  
Selphie- Did the song inspire you?  
  
Squall- Yep. Ultimecia gave me the perfect idea......  
  
*Squall's whips out his gunblade, and precedes to chase Selphie around the ballroom. Surprisingly, no one moves to help her*  
  
Selphie- Well, that's all we have time for today! See you all next time! And....  
  
EVERYONE- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!  
  
  
*****  
That was fun. A little early, and kinda corny, but I got the urge. I'm still working on my serious fic, but I had to do something fun. Hope you enjoyed, please read and review.  
  
  
  
  



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